Bomb Testing: 3000 Miles to Graceland Review

Premise: A group of men try to rob the Riviera Casino while disguised as Elvis. Unfortunately, one of their number double-crosses them, forcing the leader and his girlfriend to go on the run. Starring Kurt Russell, Kevin Costner, Courteney Cox, Christian Slater, Kevin Pollak, David Arquette, Jon Lovitz, Thomas Haden Church, and Ice-T.

Pros: When I first heard the premise, I thought it sounded kind of cool. They could’ve done without the Elvis impersonator gimmick, but I thought it had potential. Well, one good thing I can say about it is the supporting is full of good actors. Kevin Pollak and Thomas Haden Church are suitable choices for U.S. Marshals, as is Christian Slater as one of the robbers. Too bad they had to be stuck in this rancid pile of trash. Courteney Cox is the only one that really feels like she’s having fun, though, and a scene with her contrasts greatly with the rest of the film, which is monotonous and miserable.

Cons: Pretty much everything else. The worst part would have to be the completely devoid-of-personality characters. Everybody is so boring and interchangeable that you might as well call Takers a sequel. Worse, the film doesn’t really a give much of a reason why the robbery is taking place. Is it motivated by greed? Desperation? Who knows? Who cares? Even Cox’s character, by far the most interesting, has no constant motivation, and the result is a confusing mess.

3000 Miles to Graceland is gratuitously violent without reason and without finesse. You get the sense that the writers saw the glut of violent heist films that were coming out in the 90s and decided “Golly gee, if our movie’s got blood everywhere people will go see it”. The violence is poorly constructed and repulsive without trying to be, rendering all the shootouts tedious exercises in whose arteries can burst in bigger and better explosions.

The editors can’t cut to save their lives. The editing is so poor that you start to think the editors just wandered onto the set and director Demian Lichtenstein just said, “Hey, you guys showed up. You’ll do”. Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner are practically sleepwalking through the whole thing, just waiting till the check arrives in the mail. The industrial rock soundtrack is woefully out of place, the way the plot unfolds is so predictable that you might as well watch the far superior Reservoir Dogs or Out of Sight.

Why did it fail?: Gotta blame this bomb on negative word of mouth. I mean, it has a whopping RT score of 14 percent. Another possible reason is audience’s wariness of Kevin Costner after the farcical production difficulties of Waterworld or the bombing of The Postman. Whatever the reason, audiences were smart to stay away.

Did it deserve to fail?: Yes, yes it did.

Failure level: DEFCON 2, enough to worry a major studio.

Final Score: 1.5/10. 

 

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit Review

Premise: While Jack Ryan is recovering from a helicopter crash, he is recruited as a CIA analyst and must take down a dastardly Russian businessman. Starring Chris Pine, Keira Knightley, Kevin Costner, and Kenneth Branagh. Directed by Kenneth Branagh.

Pros: In wiping the slate clean, the makers of Shadow Recruit had to pick a good Jack Ryan. Chris Pine, sure enough, does a fine job. I’ve always liked him in the Star Trek franchise, but other than that I haven’t seen him that I really liked. Here, he’s given another chance to shine in what might be a second franchise. We’ve seen him as the hot-blooded Captain Kirk, but here he plays a different beast, a calm, (mostly) collected secret agent who’s a consummate professional.

The film starts out a bit slow, but when it gets going it’s quite fun. It may not exactly do much new, but Shadow Recruit does have some bite, especially in non-action espionage scenes.

One thing that annoys me in action films is an unnecessary love interest. Every time I see a love interest that’s just kind of there, I gag, even if they’re not especially annoying as characters. However, Keira Knightley’s Cathy isn’t like that. She’s cunning, resourceful, and can actually help Ryan. A nice change of pace.

Cons: Kenneth Branagh really needs to work on his action directing. Oddly enough, I thought he did a fine job directing Thor, including the action. But here, the action is average at best. At its worst, it’s unbearably shaky and lacks the smooth touch of, say, the Marvel franchise. In an action film, you’ve got to have good…well, you know. It’s in the name. But here, I was sorely disappointed.

And then there’s Kenneth Branagh the actor. I think he’s a great actor. Fans of his version of Hamlet already know that. But here, he plays a typical cartoonish Russian villain. At times it’s fun, at others it’s very distracting. He’s so evil that even the Devil himself would throw him right out of Hell. He’s introduced hitting a henchman! I mean, come on! And that accent? Please.

Verdict: Overall, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is a fun movie despite sub-par action and an uninteresting villain. To stay on the safe side, I’m gonna give it a 6/10.